reaping the cost of solitude

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Rewind: Fuel

On a completely unrelated note (as usual), here I am forever blowing bubbles with family. Happy Birthday Hayley! :)

I let my thoughts run wild until everything smiles at me. The smiles of hope, I figure, and I'm very much seduced - but only for a moment until I involuntarily let loose the restless cynic that has long taken residence in me. It indulges with a hearty appetite, and fascination gets the better of me each time, unable to retaliate. I lie still in awe, watching as it single-handedly turns this utopia upside down. Cruel but careful. Healthy. Sane. Just... it claims.

But this utopia remains an unsatisfied drug, and it naturally finds a place where cynicism cannot destroy it, and find it does. It becomes fuel for dreams. And in my sleep I blissfully get intoxicated - its warmth hauntingly addictive. It's a good few hours of unperturbed bliss, but it hurts like a nasty hang-over when I wake up. And as I sit and wipe my eyes, I greet this cruel consciousness like a close friend. Fair-weathered and caring as it may present itself to be. Me and my careful compromise.

- March 26, 2008

Listening to
"In The Waiting Line" - Zero 7

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