reaping the cost of solitude

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Rewind: A God's Undoing

I can do simple goggles, but snorkeling is hard for me. Moalboal 2011.

When I was a child, I once had these thoughts that I was immortal. I was invincible. I was some sort of god. Everyone before me, their purpose, was to entertain the one. Me. I am the one. I will not grow old, forever a child who peeks through two small holes and watches all of nature entertain me - like a movie, and everyone did their parts. You remember Truman? He was no god. Everybody spied on him. Me? I was watched by nobody.

In time, the world revealed death before me. Through mouths. Through tubes. Everyone will die, but not me. I was immortal. I will bleed blood and i will feel the pain, but I won't know anything more excruciating. The sting of betadine will be the last of it.

I was a fool. But my excuse is obvious - I was a child. Now i know. I know better. I'm better... an improvement. I will grow old. I will know pain most agonizing. Through blood and the bloodless... and i will die. I will rot underneath this very ground, and the world wouldn't care less. They will see a few million more sunsets and I won't be able to give a damn about those beautiful hues of red and blue. My spectacles, my binoculars, my peeking instruments have disintegrated and i will see nothing... nothing. It's an abstract painting, and in time I'll see its beauty.

(from the friendster blog, January 27, 2007)

Listening to
"Slow Motion" by Trey Songz

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